High school romance is a popular trope in movies, TV shows, books, music, and other popular media—and for good reason. After all, what could be better than fiery passion combined with fluctuating hormones during the most critical developmental stages of a human life? We asked some Trojan teachers to share their teenage love stories and relationship advice.
English teacher Tonichi Lorenzana says that his most memorable high school relationship was when he was a senior. However, once he graduated and went off to college, his girlfriend at the time was still a senior in high school, so their schedules didn’t align, Lorenzana said.
“You think one year is not that big of a difference, but it kind of is when you think about the timing of stuff,” Lorenzana said. “That relationship taught me that timing was also really important and making sure that if you want to continue in a relationship, that priorities are set, whatever those might be, but also having healthy boundaries and expectations of what you know a relationship should be.”
Lorenzana’s relationship ultimately ended because they had a difficult time communicating effectively with one another, he said.
“I mean, it’s hard when you’re 17, 18, 19 years old,” Lorenzana said. “That one (relationship) was very much the traditional high school romance, but also one that taught me relationships are not just what you see in movies and TV shows. It actually does require a bit more effort and balance.”
One of Lorenzana’s biggest regrets was being caught up with wanting to be in a relationship when he was in high school, he said.
“I remember distinctly being very much like, ‘Oh man, why am I single, nobody likes me,’ stuff like that,” he said. “And I was so caught up in that, as opposed to just enjoying spending time with people and enjoying other aspects of high school.”
Lorenzana advises high schoolers who want to be in a relationship to not put too much pressure on either party of the relationship, he said. High schoolers should enjoy their time together, get to know other people, and make lots of memories, he said.
“This is something that you are choosing to do, and it should be fun,” Lorenzana said. “You should choose if you’re going to date, it should be something that is light-hearted. Don’t necessarily think it’s going to be the ‘be all and end all,’ and (that) you’re gonna get married one day. You might, and that would be great for you, but you might not, and that’s okay too.”
However, for English teacher Sousen Malabeh, her fiancé from high school was her first and last relationship, she said. Malabeh, who was living in Southern California, and her fiancé, living in Florida, met when they were fifteen through Tumblr, an online blogging website, she said.
“There were some things that I really enjoyed about it (a long-distance relationship),” Malabeh said. “I think the thing that I really liked was that I knew for a fact she wasn’t using me for my looks; she genuinely liked who I was as a person. She wasn’t just with me because it would make her look good or give her popularity. She genuinely wanted to be with me. I think with her, it was kind of like, ‘Huh… this person actually really loves me and they want to be with me.’”
A long distance relationship did not come without its obstacles, Malabeh said. They would have their own routines to stay connected with each other, she said.
“We would watch shows together back in 2015, we’d be like ‘Okay, press play on three,’” she said. “We would call each other, talk all night long, go to sleep, and then I would wake up, and I’d still be on the phone with her, and I would be talking to her as I was getting ready for work, to go home.”
For high school students who may also want a successful, long lasting relationship, Malabeh thinks that students should accept and value themselves first, she said.
“I think if you don’t value yourself, you will accept things that are unacceptable,” Malabeh said. “I think you should work on yourself, do some very deep introspection into yourself. Learn what you truly, truly want. Don’t just fall for it because all of your friends are getting into relationships, and you feel lonely and you’re desperate, and you just want somebody to love you. Truly ask yourself, what is it that you deserve? (…) And if it’s not, don’t be in that kind of relationship.”
While high school students should always work on themselves, they should also accept their partner, Malabeh said.
“You cannot change anybody,” Malabeh said. “You cannot force anybody to do anything that they don’t want to do. You can’t make them into whatever mold or preconceived notion you have for them. If you want to be with somebody, you truly have to accept them, good and bad, because there’s always going to be bad. Because there’s bad in you, there’s bad in me, there’s bad in everyone. And you have to learn to ask yourself, what kind of bad am I willing to deal with?”
For Malabeh, her fiancé’s bad habit is leaving socks all over the house in piles, she said. However, learning to forgive each other is a big thing one has to learn in order to be in a healthy relationship, she said.
“We’re completely different from each other in every sense of the word, and I feel like I had to learn to accept certain things about her, just the same way she had to learn to accept certain things about me,” Malabeh said. “Is this really worth an explosive fight? Or can you use your words? Is it worth ending a relationship because she keeps her socks like a little squirrel with their food? Is it really worth it? No, just tell her.”
English teacher Kent Mitchell had his share of high school relationships, with his most memorable being his junior year girlfriend, he said. Mitchell’s former girlfriend was more practical-minded and logical, while Mitchell himself was more emotional and romantic, and that was part of the reason why the relationship ended, he said.
“Some of my mistakes in early relationships are that there were times when I would do stupid stuff,” Mitchell said. “I’d react all dramatically and intensely and show my frustration or anger in an unwise way. I’ve worked with high school kids for years now, and I see stuff like that. There are a lot of kids that are wiser about that and know not to be stupid like that. But I watch some of them that do stupid things, and I can understand and identify with that, but I try and advise kids to be more level-headed.”
The best advice that Mitchell tries to give to students is to avoid getting too serious when they’re in high school, he said.
“Have an attitude of ‘Oh, I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now. I’m just in high school,’” Mitchell said. “That way it allows you to experience more of high school and to get to know different people. Because I see kids that get serious fast when they’re young, and then they just get cuffed in that one relationship, and then they just don’t get any other experiences.”
Even throughout his adulthood, Mitchell says that he and other adults are still learning how to keep a long-lasting relationship, he said. However, Mitchell says that people will have to decide to commit to the person, even when things aren’t perfect, he said.
“That whole concept of ‘(through) sickness and health’ and everything, it’s just like people are going to have different seasons that they go through, whether it’s depression, or pregnancy, or no job, or different things where they go through the challenges in life,” Mitchell said. “You want to have a faithful, stable person. That’s not just faithful, as far as not just fidelity, as far as not sleeping around, but I mean, as far as like, ‘No, I’m going to be with you, even when things are not perfect.’”