Am I dirty?” is an often asked question after an act of premarital sex or during sexual relations. “Am I a disgusting person for thinking that?” you may ask yourself after imagining something “immodest.” These questions both stem from feelings of sexual shame and guilt, which young people commonly have. But what causes these feelings to arise? The answer lies in the dehumanizing and harmful messages of purity culture.
According to Axis, a donor-funded ministry that focuses on using Biblical resources to help parents and their teens, purity culture is “a movement within some Christian communities that emphasizes sexual abstinence outside of marriage.” Despite this definition, purity culture does not apply to just Christians — it is and can be modesty enforced onto others, especially young women and girls.
This social construct teaches that someone’s virginity is their worth. Anyone who refrains from abstinence is seen as undesirable and disgusting. Even though this rhetoric aims to “protect” people from the “dangers” of sexual impurity, it doesn’t necessarily do that — its messages, especially for an adolescent or a young adult’s mental and social development, are extremely stunting and toxic.
For one, its priorities essentially translate to viewing people, particularly women and younger girls, as objects or a prize to be won. Essentially, you are not your own — in fact, you are just property of your future spouse. This social construct can skew the beliefs of young people, as it teaches them what love should “look like.”
The concept of “purity” is also extremely insensitive and unsympathetic towards survivors of sexual violence, and does not teach its participants what real consent looks like. Since followers are expected to respond “no” to avoid any sexual advances, it skews their view on what actual consent between two or more parties looks like.
According to the Rewire News Group, when a person only knows how to respond with a verbal “no,” there isn’t much understanding that “giving in” to coercion or “not saying no” does not elicit a yes response. Failure to teach boundaries leads to victims believing that it was their fault that they were violated. Also, teaching people to view premarital sexual encounters as “dirty” can discourage victims from speaking up, accessing resources, or gaining support regarding their trauma. Discouraging sex and influencing people that unwanted sex is still sex allows the perpetrator to get away with their crime.
It is worth noting that conforming to purity culture is conforming to the oppressor. Nobody should be penalized for sexual-related thoughts or actions, as it isn’t your fault for having or desiring sex. Sex is natural. You are human, and there is nothing wrong with being human. Your worth does not come from sexual encounters.
