By Kathleen Huynh and Celine Nghiem
Trigger Warning: The following story refers to sexual assault and sexual harassment. If these topics bring up stress, trauma, and/or negative emotions for you, please reach out to a CASSY counselor, your guidance counselor, an administrator, or another trusted adult.
To protect the identities of the sources and all parties involved, we have decided to use aliases and not include any information that could be used to identify any group or individual. All anonymous sources are students currently enrolled at MHS.
According to the U.S Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, sexual harassment is defined as any unwelcome behavior of a sexual nature. This definition includes actions ranging from catcalling to sending unsolicited pictures to actual or attempted rape or sexual assault. Although it is often an uncomfortable topic, the reality is that sexual harassment is not uncommon at all. According to a survey by Stop Street Harassment, 81% of women and 43% of men have experienced some sort of sexual harassment in their lifetimes.
In a telephone interview, Anna said she experienced sexual assault at the age of 11. In sixth grade, a classmate touched her and her classmates without their consent, she said. The police was called, and she received criticism from the administration at her elementary school for not speaking up soon enough, she said.
“It was a really traumatic experience for me because up until the beginning of eighth grade, I had nightmares of, like, suddenly getting raped,” Anna said. “It was just really disappointing, and it was just really disgusting [because] I was really young. I was 11 years old at that time. I don’t understand how anyone can ever do that. He put my friends through it. He touched girls that were younger than me, and I was in sixth grade.”
Anna said she thinks that schools should do more to educate students about sexual harassment and how to identify it. Telling students to keep their hands to themselves is not enough, she said.
“I honestly didn’t even know what sexual assault was,” Anna said. “I only learned about it because I was friends with one of my science camp counselors. I told her what was happening, and I didn’t know that it was a sex crime. She told me that [it was] illegal, and I was like, ‘Oh, my God.’”
Anna said her abuser no longer attends any school in the Milpitas Unified School District, and she has “moved past” the pain of his abuse, she added. There are still instances of sexual harassment on campus; however, much of it is online, she said.
“I don’t really see it at school,” Anna said. “But, I’ve seen people say stuff on text, like what they’d want to do to that person or stuff, but they won’t really do something in person.”
Jane said she experienced sexual assault at MHS. Her assailant was removed from campus but later returned without her knowledge, she said. The experience affected her emotionally and impacted her relationship with her family, she added. She believes that although some parts of administration handle such cases well, others do not, she continued.
“[A staff member], when I informed [the individual] that [my assailant] was back, told me to deal with it because maybe it was something I was wearing at the time freshman year, even though it was just my P.E. uniform,” Jane said. “It just shocked me that a staff member would even think of saying that a girl student’s clothing may have been the reason that a boy wanted to touch her.”
Jane believes that sexual harassment is a frequent occurrence, as she knows friends who have been pressured into sexual interactions, she said. The fact that she knows victims means that there are likely even more at MHS, she noted. Although the administration handled her case well, more could be done in the future, she added.
“I don’t know many friends of mine who go directly to their counselor when they have a problem like this. I think there should be a separate staff position for the physical harassment around campus,” Jane said. “I think [when my assault was first reported], I think it was right for them to send him away. I don’t understand why he came back, and they didn’t tell me anything.”
Sally said she was sexually harassed in her freshman year. In one of her classes, another student constantly made comments about her body and compared her to other girls, she said. These comments made her feel self-conscious about herself and hindered her learning, Sally said.
“He was just like, ‘Oh yeah, there’s this other girl and she’s so skinny, unlike you.’ I felt so uncomfortable,” Sally said. “He texted me later that day as well, and he compared me and my body to this other girl. I don’t know what made him do that; maybe he thought it was something I’d feel flattered about, but it just made me feel so uncomfortable.”
According to Sally, she did not report this situation or speak up about it because she thought it would be ignored. Additionally, she was not equipped with the knowledge to handle catcalling and intrusive comments, Sally said.
“I guess, as a girl, catcalling or having comments made about your body is not really uncommon. I thought it was just something that all girls had to deal with,” Sally said. “I dealt with it myself. I pushed it under the mat and I ignored it. As I grew older, and more things like that happened to me—getting catcalled by random men on the street, or having other comments made about my body—I kind of just stood up for myself and drew the boundary line. I told them that I was uncomfortable, and these things like this couldn’t happen again.”
According to Sally, most of the girls she knows have been sexually harassed and slut-shamed for the clothes they decide to wear. Even her friend who dresses more conservatively has been sexually harassed in this manner, she said. To combat this, MHS should teach students about respect, Sally said.
“I feel like a lot of guys don’t understand what’s wrong with [catcalling],” Sally said. “They’re like, ‘The girl should take it as a compliment because we find her attractive,’ but they don’t realize that it’s actually humiliating and it’s really disrespectful.”
Sarah said that she was pressured to send explicit pictures by two different people. According to Sarah, in both cases, she and the two people started out as friends, but over time, each person began to ask her to do things she did not want to do. She identified what happened to her as grooming, as both people repeatedly told her to “keep it on the down low,” she said.
One of the perpetrators is now a college student studying in a field that requires close contact with minors, Sarah said. He once asked her if she would perform oral sex on him if he were her teacher, she added. He would follow that up by asking her to “keep it a secret because no one can know about [it],” she said.
Sarah said she has reflected on the state of her life at the time of her harassment. Her relationship with herself, her familial relationships, and her friendships were not as strong as they should be, causing her to be more vulnerable to the boys who preyed on her, she said.
“During that time, I was really trying to figure out who I was, and I got into a really toxic cycle of me getting validation from them,” Sarah said. “I honestly had everything I needed within myself; I know that now, but back then I was really just trying to find validation. Because I had a really unstable friend circle back then, I think I was more vulnerable to these types of things, because [they were] like someone I could talk to, but in exchange for something that I didn’t want to give away.”
According to Sarah, she did not report the two perpetrators because she did not think her case was severe enough. Sarah said she believed that if she had reported her situation to the school, school authorities would have written her off as being a teenager and the two boys as simply fooling around. Additionally, since the situation was just harassment, it did not seem as pressing, she said.
“I didn’t have sex with them, so it didn’t get that far to where I was harmed,” Sarah said. “But it hurt me emotionally, you know, that I almost gave in.”
After experiencing sexual harassment, Sarah advised that a strong sense of self-love is paramount.
“If someone else was going through the same thing I was, I would tell them to first get to know yourself more before you can let someone else enter your body,” Sarah said. “At the end of the day, your body’s your home, and the people that are trying to get in are your guests, so unless you feel really comfortable in your own home, you can’t let anyone else in because you’re not ready for it.”
Many victims of sexual harassment do not come forward due to feelings of shame, CASSY (Counseling and Support Services for Youth) counselor Alice Bui said in a Zoom interview. Often, victims engage in incriminating behavior with the perpetrators, and fear of the consequences can prevent them from reporting sexual harassment, Bui added.
“Maybe [the victims] were together with someone; maybe they were talking with someone. And certain things, you know, images were shared. Well, as part of the limits of confidentiality, [the school administrators] have expanded [the definition of] child abuse to cover distribution of child pornography, which includes sending nudes of yourself,” Bui said. “So it’s kind of like, ‘If I share about the bullying because now the other person is distributing it widely, it’s like, oh, but I sent it.’”
Victims of sexual harassment may suffer from a variety of mental health issues, Bui said. This can be made worse if the victim knows the perpetrator, she added.
“There’s a lot of shame. There tends to be a lot of secrecy around it as well, increased levels of anxiety. There’s a lot of doubting of the self, doubting their ability to assess safety and things of that nature,” Bui said. “Because typically, I would say of a sexual harassment kind of realm, the people have tended, at least at one point, to have had a closer relationship, and then, it turned into a not-close relationship. And so, there tends to be a little bit more pain than people getting random trashy or inappropriate messages from a rando on the Internet.”
If you know a victim, it is important to offer support by listening to them, Bui said. However, you should also be aware of your own boundaries, she added.
“Listen, and ask if they want you to listen, or brainstorm, or solve problems,” Bui said. “As a supporter, it’s also going to be very important for the friend to also know what their capacity is, because, not going to lie, some of this is really dark and really heavy.”
Victims of sexual harassment or assault on campus should confide in a trusted adult, Bui said. Mental health services are available in the form of CASSY counseling, which can be accessed by contacting one’s counselor. One can also call the sexual assault hotline at 1-800-656-4673.